When a colleague dies

When a colleague dies


This week I was faced with the sudden and unexpected death of a fellow professional from my workplace and it has been very thought provoking for many of us. 

 The death of professional colleague has all the feelings of the death of a family member, yet it is almost as if you haven't earned the right to grieve. You see this person on a regular basis, have chats, laugh about family or work situations; talk about home life; ask them for their advice and vice versa and gradually build up a relationship with them that is unique. Yet, you may not be a close friend, you may not know their partners or children, you may not go for a drink with them after work. The working colleague relationship is built on respect, often common goals working in the same situation and similar attitudes, hopefully alongside a shared sense of humour.

 In so many ways they inhabit your working day, so it feels like a huge difference when they are no longer there. As in this case, they may have been ill and in recovery, they may even have popped in on occasions as part of that; then they are there no more. You know that they will never again come to work. You feel the distant grief of their family and see the effect on faces in the work place as people try and do normal things while feeling very un-normal. 

 The awareness of the loss leaves you in an unsettled place. All the effects of grief are laid bare, yet you don't have anywhere to put them. You cannot weep openly, other colleagues may be unaware of the closeness of your part of the larger working community, you cannot 'own' the grief as you would for a family member or close friend, yet it is there. It reminds you of other losses you may have suffered and your inner being takes it all on, quietly but surely, as you stagger through the day, trying to process it.
You may find yourself a little more irritated with your other colleagues because your perspective of what is important has been challenged. You have to put on that brave face when you want to take a moment to feel the pain of it. There may even be a need for work to carry on as usual; sometimes that is the way forward. 

 It reminds me that however little we think we are affecting others around us, our very being sets up a ripple across not only our family and friends, but our working colleagues, people we may only spend one day a week with, to the people we knew a long time ago, to school friends of old, or to the stranger who valued our smile and cheeriness or who listened to us and heard our different drum beat. It should make us all a little kinder and it may make us re-evaluate what we need to do in order to live each day to fulfilment.

 I hope that in our workplace we will find a way to honour our colleague and remember her. It is so easy for work to take over and for the weight of the loss to be somehow minimised. Her students will need nurturing as they learn of her passing and learn to embrace a new teacher. Another ripple. 

 On hearing the news that day, I went to my room where I teach, shocked. Another teacher came along the corridor and into my room and just hugged me and in that moment, we shared the shock together. I think my late colleague would have liked that.







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